


Love You Most

by LadySlytherin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek Hale, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Hale's Manpain, Derek Needs To Use His Words, Emissary Stiles Stilinski, Everybody Lives, M/M, Mpreg, discussions of past canon trauma, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:55:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14680263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySlytherin/pseuds/LadySlytherin
Summary: There are things Derek never expected to have. Things he’d resigned himself to the loss of. A proper pack, a mate, and children topped that list. He couldn't be happier that he’d been wrong.





	Love You Most

**Author's Note:**

> Post-S2!AU Big thank you to A. for reading/coding this for me. She’s the bestestest. ❤️ And another big thank you to W. for going over this as well; extra eyes are always welcome and I’m grateful he made the time for my story. ❤️

Stiles knew a lot of things.

One of the things he knew was that, after the Hale fire, Derek had been intent on denying himself a lot of things. In fact, he’d been intent on denying himself _most_ things, particularly if they were _good things._

It had started, of course, with _pack._ Stiles had never fully understood Laura’s refusal to make more betas during the six years she and Derek had lived in New York. He doubted he ever would, since there was no way for him to ask Derek’s sister now. But he could make an educated guess. By refusing to strengthen the pack, Laura had left herself vulnerable and weak. More than that, she’d left her packmates vulnerable and weak. Peter had been left in Beacon Hills, catatonic, for fuck’s sake. Derek had at least been on the other side of the country with Laura, but he’d still been a sixteen year old kid overcome with guilt and grief. And Laura had done nothing to help repair those wounds; to help build them back up.

He imagined part of it had been the grief she, herself, was feeling. Another part had likely been fear. Having just lost nearly every member of her pack, Laura was likely terrified that creating new betas would ultimately mean more loss. Stiles also factored in that Laura had been a born wolf, as had most of the Hales. Turning a bunch of betas wasn’t how the Hales grew their pack; they did that with marriage and children. Still, Stiles had always strongly suspected that part of it was the _hope_ that she and Derek would be hunted down by the person who’d set the fire. And yeah, Stiles really did mean _hope._

Because Laura had finally gotten sick of waiting and gone hunting for the person herself. And then she’d gone after them alone, which was stupid considering she only had a single beta. Two, if you counted Peter, but Stiles imagined their pack bond had been tenuous and stretched thin at best, if it had still existed at all by then. He was inclined to think it had been gone entirely, though he’d never dared to actually _ask_ Peter about it. No, Stiles imagined Laura had had a death wish. Or, barring that, at least a huge lack of general regard for her own life. Maybe she hadn’t actively wanted to die, but Stiles didn’t think she’d really wanted to _live,_ either.

So when Derek had become an alpha, Stiles had been wildly surprised at the older man’s sudden eagerness to bite a bunch of teenagers. He’d assumed Derek’s refusal to have nice things would override his desire for some measure of security. He’d been wrong. And Stiles was _glad_ he was wrong, because Derek needed a pack. Not just for the strength-factor, but because he was lonely and miserable and touch-starved and a pack helped with all of that. At least, once Derek _let it,_ it did.

But even once Derek caved on the _pack_ issue, it took some time for him to allow himself _other_ nice things. Like a place to live that wasn’t a burned out husk of a house...or an abandoned train station. Hell, the loft hadn’t exactly been great either, though it had certainly been a step in the right direction. Stiles maintained that his constant picking about Derek’s propensity to live in _creepy lairs_ was a hugely contributory factor in finally getting the man off his ass about rebuilding his family’s home.

Cora’s sudden and unexpected return the summer before Stiles’ junior year certainly hadn’t hurt any.

And yeah, Stiles had to admit that Derek having his baby sister back had made a huge difference when it came to allowing nice things into his life. Because maybe Derek didn’t want to allow _himself_ to have nice things, but he desperately wanted _Cora_ to have them.

So he wrested ownership of the Hale property back from the county. And then the entire pack worked to rebuild the Hale House, making changes to accommodate the different pack dynamic they had going on. It had seemed bittersweet for Derek and Cora, but the good parts seemed to win out more often than not. Peter had been reluctant, but eventually he’d caved. Isaac had been thrilled, since it was a _permanent home_ for him. Erica and Boyd seemed pleased enough with having a safe place to crash when they couldn't stand to be at home anymore. Jackson, who blossomed under the pack’s influence once he stopped being a homicidal lizard, was just as likely to be at the _pack house_ as he was to be at his parents’ house. And where Jackson was, Lydia could often be found as well.

Stiles dragged Scott along often enough that, by the time they graduated high school, Scott was more pack than not, though he still hesitated to call Derek his alpha. Stiles, however, had happily spent his senior year training to be an Emissary and - after graduation - he officially became _Derek’s_ Emissary.

And the funny thing was, once he was Derek’s Emissary, Stiles learned _so much more_ about what, exactly, Derek was denying himself. Because suddenly he could feel the pack bond between himself and the alpha, when he hadn’t been able to before. Suddenly, he could _feel_ exactly what he was to Derek. Or rather, what he had the potential to be. And Stiles wasn’t ashamed to admit that his initial reaction had been _fury._ Not because he was Derek’s mate - or at least, that he had the _potential_ to be Derek’s mate - because that knowledge had brought nothing but joy. No, his fury was because _Derek hadn’t told him._

So Stiles had snarled and screamed and used his magic to shove Derek up against a wall and _keep him there_ until he was done shouting himself hoarse. Because Derek had _no right_ keeping that information from Stiles. It affected him as much as it affected Derek, and he’d had a right to know. It ought to have been _their_ choice to do something about it or not, rather than just Derek’s.

Once he’d gotten done yelling, Stiles had wilted and let Derek go. All he’d felt then was sorrow. Because he knew, without Derek ever saying a word, why the alpha hadn’t told him. Why the alpha had never planned on telling him, or acting on it. Derek didn’t _want_ a mate. Stiles thought that was maybe worse than just not wanting _Stiles_ as a mate. At least if it was just Stiles he didn’t want, there was still the potential for Derek to be happy someday, even if it was with someone else. This - this knowledge that Derek didn’t want _anyone_ because he didn’t think he deserved any sort of _real_ happiness - was terrifying and horrible and it made Stiles want to find a secluded part of the Preserve and just _scream._ For a few minutes, or a few hours, or maybe forever...he wasn’t really sure.

But Stiles was patient, and he was stubborn, and he had slowly grown to love Derek. It took time, of course, and Stiles had to decide carefully when to let Derek go at his own pace and when to push. But, eventually, Stiles became more to Derek than just his Emissary. He was his alpha’s mate. And Derek, for his part, slowly seemed to relax into their relationship. He stopped self-sabotaging. He stopped trying to keep Stiles out of any situation that was even _potentially_ threatening. He started to _rely_ on Stiles. To make decisions, to handle the betas and the household, to back him up - both with pack-related decisions _and_ during supernatural showdowns. They were good together, in all of the ways that mattered most and in some that didn’t.

The day Stiles told Derek he was going to be a father - that the magic in his blood had helped create new life inside of him - Derek’s whole face had crumpled. He’d looked like Stiles had ripped the heart right out of him and then squeezed until it was nothing but dust. Derek had fled, and Stiles had cried, because he _knew_ what that look meant and why Derek had run. Stiles had hoped Derek would be pleased. Had hoped Derek would be _thrilled_ to learn about the baby. Because _Stiles_ was thrilled. Stiles loved the little thing growing inside of him - the thing that had just started to press his belly out into a fun little curve that had given the whole thing away in the first place because if he hadn’t started showing, Stiles wasn’t sure he would have even realised - and he’d wanted Derek to love it, too.

What he hadn’t factored in was all of Derek’s damage.

Because Derek hadn’t wanted children since before the fire, just like he hadn’t wanted a mate. Only Stiles hadn’t had a chance to ease Derek into the whole _kid-thing._ It had taken him _two years_ to become Derek’s mate, once he knew it was a possibility. He didn’t _have_ two years to help Derek adjust to this, because this hadn’t been planned. It was just one of those things that sometimes happened, when a male alpha mated with their male Emissary. And now it was done, and it couldn't be _un_ done, and Derek had run away like all the ghosts from his past were hot on his heels.

Derek was gone for three days.

When he came back, he looked...well, he looked _wrecked._ Stiles stood on the porch of the rebuilt Hale house, staring at Derek - his alpha, his best friend, the love of his _goddamned_ life - and wondering what the hell he was supposed to do. Because Derek was looking at him like he was both poison _and_ the cure and Stiles didn’t know what that meant or what to say or how to fix things.

When Derek mounted the stairs and scooped Stiles up into his arms, Stiles let it happen. He didn’t fight, or scream, or cry, or do anything other than melt into Derek’s chest. He closed his eyes, more than a little relieved that Derek at least wanted to touch him. Derek carried Stiles into the house, and up two flights of stairs, and finally ended their journey in the room they’d shared for more than a year. Stiles found himself settled on their bed - a huge monstrosity of a thing that could hold their whole pack and then some, and had on occasions where someone was injured or unwell or simply very sad - with Derek crawling on after him.

Stiles didn’t speak; was terrified of breaking the silence. As though any words he might have would send Derek running again, which was an unfortunate possibility. Derek knelt beside Stiles, then gently plucked at the fabric of Stiles’ shirt. Which was actually _Derek’s_ shirt, but that wasn’t the point.

“Off.” Derek whined the word and Stiles obediently stripped the soft grey henley off and tossed it somewhere to the left, unable to deny Derek anything.

With a trembling hand, Derek reached out and brushed his fingers over the slight swell of Stiles’ belly. Derek’s breath shuddered out on a sigh and tears immediately began to spill down his cheeks. And Stiles...

Well, Stiles felt like the worst mate in the world. He should have been smarter; should have insisted they use condoms or else found some way - a spell or potion or _whatever_ \- of ensuring he wouldn’t conceive, because a good mate wouldn’t have done this to their alpha. A good mate would have realized how this would break Derek and taken precautions against it. But Stiles was often thoughtless and he hadn’t taken enough care and now Derek was _hurting_ and it was all his fault.

“I’m sorry.” Stiles whispered, and his own throat was tight with tears. He couldn't bring himself to meet Derek’s eyes as he added. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Hurt...?” Derek sounded confused, and _that_ had Stiles looking at him again. Derek was still crying, but he had the _biggest_ smile on his face. The one that reached his eyes, and made his dimples show, and stole Stiles’ breath no matter how often he saw it, which wasn’t nearly often enough.

“But...you ran away.” Stiles didn’t understand; he was so _very_ lost. “You left.”

Derek looked stricken for a moment, then apologetic. “I’m sorry. I...I needed some time and space to wrap my head around everything. It’s so much, Stiles. So much that I never thought I’d get to have. You...and a child...and _my child_ growing inside of _you._ It’s...it’s more than I could have dreamed of.”

Stiles swallowed hard, dropping his eyes to where Derek’s hand was lightly petting his belly. “You...you aren’t mad or upset?”

“Fuck no.” Derek said vehemently. He leaned in and kissed Stiles hard, then leaned down further and began pressing light kisses over Stiles’ belly. “I’m happy, Stiles. _So_ happy.”

Stiles let out a watery little laugh, both hands coming up to card through Derek’s hair as the werewolf began to lick his stomach. “God, you’re weird.” He murmured it lovingly, not minding the damp feeling of Derek’s tongue on his skin at all. It wasn’t even arousing, because there was nothing _sexual_ about what Derek was doing. It was just loving, and sweet, and wonderful.

After a few minutes, Derek rested his cheek on Stiles’ belly, eyes closed and expression blissful. “I can hear the heartbeat.” He murmured, and Stiles’ own heart stuttered a little at the thought. “It’s so strong, Stiles. Fast, and strong, and perfect.”

Stiles hummed, fingers still carding through Derek’s hair. “That’s good. That’s...that’s really good, Der. I’m glad you’re happy. You scared me for a bit there.” Stiles admitted it unabashedly, and with no trace of blame or anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry.” Derek turned his head and kissed Stiles’ stomach, then nuzzled into the slight curve. “I can’t wait until this little bump gets bigger. I want...god, I want you _huge_. I want to cup your belly with both hands and feel our kid kick out at me. I want to kiss and lick every inch of that curve as it grows and grows. I want everyone to see your body get full and ripe and know _I_ did that to you.”

Stiles hummed. He’d point out to Derek later that most people wouldn’t be allowed to know he was pregnant, but for the moment he let his alpha have the fantasy. “Want everyone to know how good you bred me?” His voice was low but not sexual, despite the words he was saying. This was about Derek’s wolf; about a baser instinct than even sex and Stiles wouldn’t cheapen it, or the moment. “You did such a good job, Der. Such a good alpha, getting your mate pregnant.”

Derek rumbled, the sound somewhere between a growl and a purr. “Such a good mate...” Derek was still nuzzling and kissing Stiles’ belly and the younger man knew he’d have stubble-burn from it but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Such a good mate for me, doing this. Giving me a kid. So sweet, letting my baby grow inside you. So lucky to have you, Stiles. You’re so good to me. So perfect, thank you...”

Stiles’ breath hitched in his throat as those last words came out tearful and choked. Fisting his hands lightly in Derek’s hair, he pulled just enough to drag Derek up and into a kiss. When they parted for air, Stiles said. “I’ll do it as many times as you want, Der. I’ll give you a dozen kids. More, even. I love you, alpha-mine, and I’d do _anything_ to make you happy.”

“Same.” Derek murmured against Stiles’ mouth, kissing him again before continuing. “I love you, so much. And I know I don’t always show it. I know I’m still...still broken, and maybe I always will be. But I _love you,_ and I love this baby, and I want a whole life with you both. You gave me a pack, and showed me how to be an alpha for them. You pushed until I made a home, and a life, for myself and my pack. You taught me how to love through the fear, and you’ve given me every part of yourself. And now this...you’re giving me family. You’re giving me _a baby._ And I can’t ever thank you properly for that. For loving me, even when I wasn’t capable of loving you. For teaching me _how_ to love you back. For being everything I could ever ask for. For giving me things I don’t even realize I need.”

“Forever, Der.” Stiles promised, pulling Derek down and using gentle nudges until they were spooned together. “I’ll keep doing it _forever_. I love you, and you are going to be the best daddy _ever.”_

“Can’t be.” Derek murmured, pressing his lips to the back of Stiles’ neck, one hand resting protectively over Stiles’ belly.

“Why not?” Stiles asked, worried that maybe Derek thought he would suck at parenting. The alpha had a nasty tendency towards self-loathing, after all, though he was getting better about it.

Derek chuckled. “Because you’re the best at everything. So I can only hope to be the second-best dad.”

Stiles grinned, pressing back into Derek and teasing. “No, silly. I’m going to be the best _mommy_ in the world, which leaves the title of best daddy a hundred percent open for you.”

Derek rumbled happily, like a wolfy version of laughter, and said fondly. “Shut up and go to sleep, Stiles.”

“Love you too, Der.” Stiles snarked, but he obligingly closed his eyes.

The last thing he heard before drifting off was Derek’s voice. “Love you most.”

**_~ The End ~_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading this. I'm thrilled to have been able to participate in the very first year of Sterek Smoochfest. I hope there are many more years, and I hope I can participate in all of them. Please leave me comments and I promise I'll reply to them after Reveals, when I'm allowed.
> 
>  
> 
> (Fest Mod Note: This work was created for the 2018 Sterek Smooch Fest. Please follow the fest on [LJ](https://sterek-smooch.livejournal.com/) or [TUMBLR](https://sterek-smooch.tumblr.com/) to see the rest of the fabulous creations! Thank you!)


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